Okay...I miss home.

Yep. It´s just one of those days. Nothing particularly new or different...there are two retreat groups in country (who are AWESOME by the way...go Xaverian Brothers HS and Fairfield Prep!), I accompanied FP to Nuevo Mundo & was able to see Chris teach a class for the first time, then headed back to Sinai and had a great chat with LuzMaria, one of our neighbors, and the entire time my heart and gut were/are aching for home. Who knows why? It´s a random Thursday with nothing particularly ¨homey¨ about it. But I would give just about anything right now to curl up on the couch with my family and watch Big Bang Theory (despite Mom´s protests) after dinner or go to Cowgirls´ and dance the night away with my girls. Heck, I´d settle for a MCAT study session with my fellow masochistic doctors-to-be just for an ounce of familiarity and home.

I knew going into this year that missing home was going to be a struggle. How could it not be? And I think I was/am surprised at how rare these bouts actually are. Maybe it is due to the fact that life here is so crazy, overwhelming and full that you don´t have a chance to really think about home or maybe that nothing resembles home enough to really make you nostalgic (which almost guarantees some extent of homesickness...), probably a little of both. And I´m sure part of it is also that we are creating a 2nd home here. It is certainly interesting to think about September and mull over the fact that I will likely be ¨homesick¨ for Ecuador...!

But I think it is the rarity, the unfamiliarity, of this ¨illness¨ that makes it affect me so much when it does decide to strike. I am not accustomed to it; so this foreign, sudden need/desire to talk to people from home, to see something from my first 21 years of life and it can really knock me for a loop.

So here I am, spinning around, dizzy from the punch and trying to refocus. Haha...maybe writing this will accelerate the process ;) Or it won´t and this post only served as a glimpse into another one of the twists in this journey. Either way, I suppose it was worth it!

God Bless.

I'm a Big Kid Now

Haha. Please tell me the Pampers jingle popped into your head when you read that title...it certainly did for me when I thought of it! But this post has nothing to do with diapers or commercial jingles so I will move on.

There are a lot of “events” people attribute to becoming an adult: buying a house, getting a Mon-Fri 9-5 job, paying all your own bills, consistently going to bed before 11pm (okay, that was a joke) and most would agree turning a certain age does not mean anything. You get the idea. But what really constitutes being an adult? In the above examples, all I see is financial independence. I guess what got me thinking about this was a discussion my house was having last night. Being only the 3^rd group of RdC volunteers in Monte Sinai and the first with retreat groups, we've had to be the pioneers in a lot of things, including policies. Last night, we were trying to determine how (and if) to open up the retreat house for community use. As the discussion bore on, I realized something: we were making a decision for others. True, we have 3+ months left and we could have been forming a policy for that time, but instead we were talking about and advocating for future year-long volunteers and the Mt. Sinai community. One might say, “Well this is a very long term thing, and you aren't staying, so of course you would think of others” and I would agree. But this conversation was only the light bulb for me. Looking back over the last 8 months, they are filled with decisions and discussions based on the impact on others, from people within our house to the greater community, retreat groups to individuals. This program and this year is so infused with an intentionality and focus on community (the greater good) that you are encouraged (if not forced ;-P) to grow up.

Last year, by the initial definition, I was living as an adult. I had a job. I paid rent and bills on a house and often went to bed early. All of this while attending college full-time, which I also paid for myself. The thing is, as a senior in college, everything I did, all the decisions I made, were for me. Now, as I live in Ecuador, in someone else's house that I don't pay for, where I do not have a paying job and therefore cannot pay for anything else (U.S. equivalent =living with and being supported by Mom and Dad with no job), I am closer to being an adult now than I could have dreamed of last June.

I don't think being an adult has anything to do with finances (except maybe managing them) but instead becoming accountable for your life and your decisions: responsibility, impact awareness, selflessness, and striving to create a better life for your fellow human beings. Don't rush into it; it's not for everyone at anytime and being a kid is healthy, for awhile. But maybe you've been fooling yourself with your 5-6 figure pay check, nice house and car that you've been living an adult life. If that is the case, I challenge you to step up and into something more because I can tell you there are children (in age), who I encounter every day, burdened with early adulthood, who could teach you a thing or two.

“Fun Title Here”

So a little update on life.

I miss my kids. A LOT. And now that Colonia is over and Refuerzo has yet to start again, I am definitely on kid withdrawal. Yes, I get a little here and there with neighbors and I was able to go to Semillas de Mostaza (one of RdC's afterschool programs in Duran) for the first time with our last retreat group, but it isn't the same. I have also now learned that Refuerzo will likely be moving locations from the Via Daule (an hour bus ride away) to Mt. Sinai. *expected excitement here* I am absolutely excited for work being closer (yay less travel time!) and having a program like this nearby so that kids from my neighborhood can actually go. But part of me wishes they would wait until August. Haha. *insert selfishness here* If we move, and it really looks like we will, it is going to be an entirely new group of kids - who I am sure will be wonderful and I am excited to get to know - but I have been waiting since January to be with “my” kids again...to give them huge hugs and talk about their vacation and help them with homework....to eventually say our last goodbye. On top of my own selfish thoughts and wants, those great kids who I worked with for 5+ months, who need Refuerzo, will no longer have that haven every afternoon and I have a hard time justifying that to myself. I know the Salesian Project works to reach the poorest of the poor and the rationale is that all the kids who go to Refuerzo at the current location can afford bus fare so we should be striving to be located in a neighborhood of great need where those who cannot afford to pay for a bus can attend, but those other kids are still in need and we are abandoning them. Okay, 'abandon' is a really strong word as my boss, Jefferson, does social work with a lot of them outside of Refuerzo, which I believe will continue, but nonetheless it is how I feel. Sooo....Refuerzo is supposed to start with the new school year (April 16^th – pushed back a week by the government due to the intensity of this rainy season) and we are still waiting to get the final decision from the “big boss”. I'll update when I know more!

Que mas? Well, we've had more retreat groups come and go :) St. John's Prep and Walsh Jesuit High Schools here in Mount Sinai and St. John's HS, Villanova, Fordham and Jesuit HS in Duran. I am continually blown away by the awesome people who come devote a week to experiencing our lives here, loving on our neighbors and friends, learning about the Ecuadorian life and culture and teaching me (and my fellow volunteers) so much. I am continuing to get a lot of life out this job. I love being able to be with the groups, hearing their observations and reflections, seeing kids light up when they see them and just being a witness to what God is doing here. The other huge plus, which I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before but I am just absolutely loving, is all my extra “big community” time! I have truly found 2^nd and 3^rd homes in AJS and Arbolito. It is so much fun! Each house has a completely different dynamic and it just so cool to be a part of that sometimes.

I refuse to say anything regarding my health as it hardcore jinxed me last time...so let's just say that I have nothing to report....Gracias a Dios.

Feliz Pascua! Happy Easter! Just got done with a beautiful, meaningful Holy Week. Holy Thursday Mass, Stations of the Cross en vivo (started at 6:30am) and Adoration of the Cross on Good Friday, Easter Vigil and finally Easter Mass. Throw in a birthday party for Damien with all the youth group on Saturday and it makes for a wonderful 4 days :)

More than 8 months in! Just over 3 to go and it will fly by so fast :( Prayers for all of us here as we figure out how to live this last 1/3 of our year; for the US office, current applicants and the selection process for our “replacements”; for our neighbors who go through this transition every year and especially for AJS as Rostro closes out its last year there.

You guys are awesome! Thanks so much for all your support, thoughts and prayers.

Feliz Dia Internacional de las Mujeres!

Okay, so I'm a little late. International Women's Day was March 8^th. But I wasn't even aware of this wonderful holiday until this year when my housemate, Belen, came home from her Pastoral work at Hogar de Cristo talking about it, and I needed time to write this, so give me a break ;)

It is a day to recognize and reflect on other past and current struggles we women face as we strive for equality, our rights, and better lives for ourselves and our families. I was happily surprised that such a celebration was so widespread in a country that continues to suffer within a machismo culture. Nevertheless, throughout the day I received many hugs, kisses and “Feliz Dia!”s. Many people do not have the means to buy the women in their life something, but instead expressed their appreciation and gratitude for all they do and maybe even took over cleaning or cooking for the day.

My fellow volunteers and Sister Annie at Damien House surprised the female patients with a paseo to the mall to celebrate the day and the amazing, strong women they are. When a recent retreat group (shout out to Fordham U!) visited Padre Damien, they asked the female patients to give 3 words to describe an Ecuadorian woman. There was some variance but every single one said, “Luchador”. Fighter. This doesn't mean you should expect the next Heavyweight Boxing Champion to be an Ecuadorian woman (Although I wouldn't be surprised. They are feisty!), but instead that they fight, every day, to put food on the table, to keep a clean comfortable home, and to create a life worth living for their families. It was interesting, listening to these unbelievable women listing everything they fight against and everyone they fight for and not one mentioned her self. Reminds me of a lot of women I know back home.

Let's not forget the best part of this day, the driving force behind my XX chromosome counterparts and the real reason to celebrate: HOPE. Hope in realizing how far we have come and therefore how much further we can go. Hope in every battle we fight, that it is leading to a time where they no longer exist. Hope for more love, more life, and more peace. Hope for un mundo mejor. (A better world)

So go love on the women in your life. If not for Women's Day, then just because they deserve it <3